You just made me feel so damn special
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have fence marks all over my body
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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