not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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