you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
