i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
