i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
