I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
