Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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