remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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