shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
