we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
