You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
