at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
