I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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