some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
