friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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