I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
