im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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