also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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