I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
