So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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