I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
