The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
