ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
