Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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