I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
