girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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