grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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