I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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