Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
even my farts smell like vagina
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
