Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
