Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
