I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
