Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize