Your mouth is God's brothel.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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