i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
