I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
