your room smells of hookers.
And success
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
