Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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