shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
