I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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