i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
wow bdsm is so cute
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
