OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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