This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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