my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize