Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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