bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
