I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
