thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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