shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
