he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
