once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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