I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
