Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
