You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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