Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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