its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
