I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
