i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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