if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Green mimosas i think yes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize