just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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