my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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