time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
