new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
