Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
