If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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